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My Deepest Apologies to Château Roquefère

Friday, January 03, 2014

To the owners of Château Roquefère:
I'm deeply sorry for my actions yesterday. Being that I'm too American to understand a manual vehicle I am constantly looking at everything from the passenger seat. I spotted your château from afar and it was so big and so inviting, that I indeed invited myself there. Now being that you have a sign pointing to where you live from the road it kind of seemed like hey, your château is owned by the state. Usually, I pay the state around 6 euros to see the inside of a castle, but as I drove closer and closer to the property I felt as if you might not want me to see inside at all. After driving alllllllll the way up to the hill where your fortress sits I saw a sign that said propriété priveé. I was relieved. Propriety privy! In my mental dictionary this just meant that I have great manners, and I constantly want to be 'in the know.' I fit your description perfectly, it was like you were practically begging me to step on the property. So as my boyfriend sat in the car out front of your château I told him I would just check if other propriety privy kinda people were there as well. It took me around 5 minutes to walk the side of your home. You seriously need to cut that grass. When all of the shutters were closed I thought maybe you were having some sort of private party. I continued to walk around the perimeter of the home. Annoyance creeped in because come on guys I am 5 foot 6, I cannot fully see what your château really looks like when you have 40 foot walls. Not even a descent picture could come out of this! So owners I really think you should be more courteous to the short people of the world. Anywho, I am incredibly jealous of your giant towers. Seriously, you have your own towers. I'm just going to assume you're not royals though, because there's a lot of firewood laying around the yard and I don't think royals chop their own trees. However, I would really love to see the inside of these towers so if ever you'd like to invite me over for a non-royal tea party then I accept the invitation. After 10 minutes, I finally made it to the other side of your giant fortress. Your pet deer scared the shit out of me. No really, she's fast, she's loud and if you are trying to have guests visit the château she's really just not welcoming. In fact your backyard is just very dangerous in general, I mean after a few drinks if you lean over those stone walls enclosing the yard your party has officially ended, for life. So after my heart practically fell out of my butt from your pet deer in the forest, I quickly found my way back to Mat's car. When he wasn't there I thought you might have found him outside and given him that invitation for tea. I started getting a little nervous but then he came trudging through the grass ten minutes later. There's a dog that lives near his own private tower away from the château and he kind of gave me the heads up that someone was coming. I would have thanked him and gave him a treat but he looked somewhat scary. However, no scarier than the sheep near the property who haven't been trimmed or bathed in 5 years. So after this 20 minute fiasco of no private party, no tea invite, and virtually no excitement at all, Mat said to me that he doesn't think anyone actually lives on this private property. Private property? Woops. So that's that. I wanted to write you a letter saying sorry. Sorry that my French is just so bad that I thought this big red sign was an invitation and not a warning.

Yours truly,
A girl who acts with the utmost propriety and is no longer privy to the meaning of your signs.

P.S. Here is a great picture of your home that I took from the road. My zoom is fantastic.

américaine girl

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